by John McMullin & Leigh Randolph
What is balanced living for you? Some of us apply this concept to balancing our food, exercise, lifestyle, or adventures we haven’t yet experienced. Sometimes we are out of balance but because we are caught in the middle of it, we can’t see it. A way of holistically balancing our life is to explore where we are out of balance through obsessions about work, food, body sculpture, hidden anger, shame or fear, money, addictions or compulsions, or our relationships. As we take inventory where our life is in or out of balance, how do we find the awareness to know where we are out of balance, and then what do we do about it?
Many life coaches begin the process through a timeline creating calendars with goals and objectives as a method to affirm accomplishing what we set out for the day. This gives us emotional rewards for meeting our self-defined agenda. By creating priorities from a life mission statement we begin to experience the gratification of accomplishing the beginning of what we desire. However, many people sabotage this process to feed their hidden addiction to fear and shame, and then return to the frustration of feeling out of balance. Once again we return to our life coach to give new resolve and attempt the journey again. Many folks find themselves repeating this cycle until they become so frustrated they return to old habits and just simply give up.
What is the secret we keep from ourselves that creates this agenda of self-sabotage and frustration? Sometimes our behavior seems really functional, like the ethic of hard work, which can look great, but can indicate a life out of balance. What if we discovered that a part of our childish dominant ego allows us to set up an adult plan of self control from our mission statement, and then retains control by disrupting our plans? What if we could find the part of our ego that is frightened or angry and owns the illusion of power from retribution and then sabotages our adult agenda? How do we find the conflict in these ego parts and ask them to help us rather than oppose us? This process is especially difficult if the revengeful child within also knows the power to camouflage and hide while it inflicts its message of “just wait and see, then you’ll be sorry”. Finding this ego part often requires the use of intuition since old beliefs and memories of life events hide, and we cannot reclaim those experiences to heal them.
The holistic approach to balancing life begins with finding and then asking help from this angry part of our ego. Since the ego hides itself from its own destruction, the process requires acceptance and compassion to realize there is a part of our ego conflicted and defiant with our adult ego purpose. Using intuition we discover the conflicted ego part that owns the illusion of power through revenge. We can teach this childish ego part how to negotiate its existence with other ego parts through verbal gestalt and the connection of mind and heart. The defiant ego part is often not influenced through the rationalization of goal setting and willfulness. The ability to speak to this childlike ego with reward and validation is often the path to liberating the whole self from this dominant ego part.
If you have discovered that affirmations to bring balance are not working in your life, may we invite you to this holistic approach to bring balance into your life through the following techniques?
- Notice what issues you mind is conflicted about.
- Ask how part of your mind benefits through the illusion of power from revenge.
- Imagine the positive and negative consequences of experiencing a new balanced.
- Ask how you might reward that defiant ego part that is resisting change.
- Guess what age you learned the illusion of power from revenge through fantasies or life experiences.
- Talk to that ego part and ask if you nurture that child, then how can that child part.
- Notice in what ways the resistance is reduced and how you are empowered to balance your life through this holistic approach.
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
John A. McMullin Sr is the founder of Journeys of Wisdom, Inner Achievement Methods and Director of Holistic Coaching Institute. He sees clients and teaches nationally and internationally. He also publishes SelfGrowthWisdom.com. John can be reached at (614) 975-5433.
Leigh Randolph is retired from a career in dentistry and has been fascinated by the world beyond the five senses for decades. That has led her to working with clients and their dreams through Holistic Integrative Dreamwork, as well as scanning the biofield for stress patterns. She is available both locally and globally. You can reach Leigh at (614) 581-8703.