by Angela Passidomo Trafford

The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance. – BRIAN TRACY


It takes a spirited determination to live. There is so much loss in life, so many things that happen in the course of a single day that require us to choose.

Today we are all so very busy. The machines we have created through technology can run at rapid speeds often without breaking down for long periods of time.

But we are not machines. We are human; yet we are all going, going. Before you know it much time has passed. The children have grown up. We have experienced the ups and downs of life — the painful choices, partings with those we love or those once dear where flames have turned to ashes.

What is it all about, we wonder? This life that passes so quickly — in the blink of an eye. Where once we were children, young and innocent; now we are adults aware of the inconsistencies apparent in a single day.

We have experienced loss, perhaps serious illness. We are aware of the presence of death, the aging process.

For many of us life can be a painful, confusing, bitter, often bewildering experience.

Can we face life with the vim and verve that empowers us to look into the face of life’s challenges with a spirit of determination that connects us to a source of love that conquers all?

Many of us have been taught by our teachers, schools, families and religions that loving ourselves is a selfish thing.

Vanity, egocentricity and narcissism are all at opposite poles of loving oneself. These are all forms of self-rejection caused by a serious emotional deprivation in childhood, and fostered onward in life by an ego dominated by the need for self-preservation — survival.

We are all searching for unconditional love. But so many of us are at the mercy of erroneous beliefs and misconceptions.

Unconditional love starts in the heart of each of us for our own selves. My definition of unconditional love is: the awareness without judgment of our feelings. All feelings, even the darkest ones like envy, jealousy, shame, fear, guilt and others.

When we view our feelings without judgment, we surrender the negativity instead of getting bound up inside an unrelenting judgmental ego.

Everywhere people are searching for the way to change themselves, and their lives.

When we love ourselves unconditionally, we can view our human flaws and character defects in the healing light of love, and open to personal growth and change.

It is possible in the face of life’s challenges to develop a determination of spirit that helps us rise above the ignorance of our past ways, and the ignorance we see in the world at large, and lead noble authentic lives worthy of grace.

Our human heart beats with the joy of being alive; the gift we have been given in this moment of life.

When we are aware that life is a gift, it is easier to be humbly grateful for what we are given; instead of bitter over what we think we should have had.

Loving ourselves unconditionally allows us to forgive ourselves, change, and uplift our state of mind into one of humility and acceptance.

When we see our cat or dog comfortably at rest we must ask ourselves why most of us are eternally in conflict — why we can’t be as peaceful as even our cat or dog.

To achieve balance and inner peace we can start now by putting our arms around ourselves and saying, “I love you.”

It’s a good beginning, and we all have to start somewhere.

Giving yourself rest from an overactive mind with meditation and relaxation is another form of loving yourself.

Try keeping a journal and writing down your feelings and dreams. There are messages there that give you the wisdom you need to choose correctly in your day.

There is only one correct choice and that is one of love. By going deeply within ourselves in a true spirit of determination and introspection, we can seek to heal the division between the heart and mind and experience wholeness and peace.

All the great spiritual teachers of the world taught a way out of suffering through heartfelt love.

Opening your heart to the emotional need for love in your own self paves the way for a powerful rush of energy that pours from God’s creation into your body and mind.

This energy of love initiates joy, well-being, health, and healing in your relationship not only with yourself but with others as well.

Unconditional love is the key that opens the door to inner peace.

Krishnamurti said, “You are the World.”

Each one of us by healing our own wounds can heal the consciousness of the planet.

People are always asking me what to do in their relationships, why it doesn’t work out, why they meet the same wrong person time and again.

Love yourself, develop a compassionate relationship to yourself, find inner wholeness and you will uplift yourself out of the old ruts and patterns into a new way, a new light, a new connection with an inspiring enlightened individual.

Unconditional love is the medicine. To heal of life’s suffering, take the medicine and you’ll find the cure.


Angela Passidomo TraffordNationally syndicated columnist Angela Passidomo Trafford is a spiritual teacher and author of The Heroic Path and Remembering the Language of God. You may contact her with questions or comments at or at